candy girl
Tuesday, Apr. 12, 2005, 03:08

i tend to not want to hang out with taylor because of how scared i am to be around him.

tonight i changed my mind and decided to hang out with him cuz... well... why not?

we drove around.

smoked a lot of pot.

drove around some more

i listened to music inbetween little bits of stories that he and ottman were telling me throughout thenight

i was the wallflower.

and i realized that taylor is not something i want... like i thought before. taylor is what the me from highschool wanted. the cute out-there boy who parties and likes me because i'm quirky.

back then i did want that. and i pondered it tonight and realized that matt is what i need right now. the cute adult who just doesnt party too much, but is still fun... and likes me because i'm confusing...

i'm not saying this is forever... i'm saying this in a 'place in life' kind of way. that it's fun right now

i missed that part of my life but you cant un-miss things like that. there's no reason to go back because it wont be the same.

but then again...

maybe it's no me who thought i needed that.

maybe that was just james.

it's getting hard to tell the difference sometimes.

its kinda scary

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