not what the new (non failing) gm of maple grove should write about right now
Sunday, Jul. 10, 2005, 00:08

its been almost a month since i've written but today i felt all write-y today... first time in a while.

i'm sure the last thing any body wants to read is stuff about matt... or at least it would be if you knew all the other things that i should really be using my current writing skills to document... rather than what, in the future, i might see as silly or painfull or as me being a jackass... dating the wrong guy... again...

but i cant...

because there is no 'again'...

to me, this feeling is consuming... like it's the greatest thing in the world and no one who is on the outside of any other's relationship can understand how another person's love works or reacts... and they think it is trivial things because that is not how their particular version of love goes... they dont understand yours... but they wont interfere unless they see a friend in danger.

respect lacking understanding.

it's not a bad thing.

i am feeling that all the other things that have happened in my life that trivialize what i feel with matt to the outside world... are infact trivial themselves.

matt is all consuming.

i am learing things about his subconsious personality. the parts of him that he is so raw and blatent about... because he's not faking a personality trait. it's his true self.

i am learning it. and adapting to it. and there are times that i know from his gestures, his mood, that my actions and additude are wrong for him at that moment. but i dont let me stop myself from being bitchy... because i'm not in this just to please him... i want him to learn me... the way i am learning him

these personality traits that he doesnt know he has... that i know he has, and adapt to, and point out the ones i find beautiful to him... i never find irritating.

and i hope that he is doing the same to me... he is conforming to my personality... and he doesnt hate me for it

i want him to know how great it feels... how i feel right now. that it's comfortable to conform. to fit into someone elses mold of you. but not in the painful triangle to square way (a way that lots of people do it), in the circle to oval way...

they want you to be happy and the little they do to shape you to better fit them... they do without ever realizing they are... and without ever hurting you.

that's love

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